Wednesday, 11 September 2013

Neighbourhood Watch and Fixing my street.

I had a bit of an Online disagreement last night.
Someone asked the question would I shop someone for having no Car Tax?

In short, not really same as I wouldn't skank anyone for doing the odd private job.

The Bottom Line is Im not too impressed with HM Government, and I think I can spend my Money in a more responsible manner than they seem to manage.

They get way too much of my hard earned as is (and By fuck do I earn it) and they don't tap the big Kids enough for my liking either.

ANPR equipped Police the DVLA and Local authorities sort out VED dodgers anyway. So I begrudgingly Pay my Road Rent (Should go on Petrol anyway... that way everyone pays a fair share)

But anyway back on to reporting tax dodgers etc which brings me neatly round to Fix my Street.

I wont share the link but Google it, It makes interesting reading...

The Gist of the site is it is a place to report all sorts of local problems , things like Fly tipping, dangerous paving slabs broken Lamp posts, that short of Shizzle.

Being a Sad bastard I enjoy reading through these things occasionally. Part taking an interest in my local area and part laughing at the Pathetic Trivia that people feel the need to report.

Unfortunately these sorts of sites tend to attract a certain sort of Person.
We don't have the background why but these people serial post. I have one in my local area, you will have one in yours Guaranteed.
Maybe they are bored , Maybe they think it will make the world a better place , and just maybe their loved one ran off with a Council worker.
They will patrol they will make notes they will take pictures.
I will give you some made up examples, just to give you the flavour.

There has been an old sofa outside number 34 for almost a week now, It is making the street look untidy.

A paving slab is slighty wobbly on Juniper Street , I reported this in Yesterday and am yet to see any Progress.
Does someone need to Die before you respond?????

There is 2 untaxed vehicles in the Front Garden of Number 67, It Is making the Road Look like a Scrapyard.

Mr Patel at No 37 is leaving his Wheelie Bin Out a day early blocking the pavement and attracting Vermin. THIS IS A HEALTH HAZARD!

Mrs Jones Bush is Unkempt, and Twigs are dropping Out, I don't know why I bother reporting these things, the council never do anything.!!!!!!!!!??!

A Serial Poster will bang all these reports out in the course of a Week, and here is my theory in posters like this.
I will personify the serial Poster and on this occasion we will give her a name , my serial poster is Jeanette.

Reading through my local area I have a mental Picture of Jeanette.
She has many Cats cos she is lonely, and she probably drove a Volvo 343 until her eyesight started to fail.
She makes cakes for the WI that everybody secretly dreads receiving cos they have cat Hairs in them.

Jeanette is a Widow, Albert Gassed himself in the Volvo to get away from her.

Albert spent his later years cowering in the relative haven in his allotment shed with the odd snifter from a Bottle of Brandy and His Pipe for Company. (Jeanette wouldn't let him smoke it in the House ...or Outside the House... or in the Street for that matter as it made the street look like a place of ill repute besides smoking will kill you yadda yadda).

On the night that Albert took his life, in an cruel and unnoticed twist of irony as he tapped out His Pipe for the last time... Garden hose poked through the crack in the window.
He mumbled his last words as he flicked the ignition and sat back "Bloody woman always needs to be right" Yup Smoking would be the death of Albert for sure!

So without Albert around to moan about and disparage every day, Jeanette goes down to Lidls for Catfood, Notepad in hand.
...and after Maud (Previously) at the WIs Grandson showed her the internet, she takes her notepad and diligently reports any happenings via Mauds Grandson.
Mauds Grandson Then types this in begrudgingly for her, secretly hoping the cats conspire and smother her in her sleep.

Maud is Jeanettes only Friend, and has no idea that Jeanette was the ringleader in the Outing of Maud, and this resulted in the ultimate expulsion of Maud from the WI...for daring to use a A Square cake tin of Illegal proportions in the annual WI bakeoff.

I may be wrong mind...

Laters M

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